Single Parenthood by Choice: The Why

“Why would she want to go and do that?!” “Is she sure that’s what she wants to do?”

Why would anybody choose to raise a child alone? That is the question that society has for those that have chosen to have a family on their own. Why? In a society where we have made partnership and parenthood synonymous, asking ‘Why?’ is the natural response. 

Societal brainwashing tells us through television, radio, film, and social media that parenthood cannot exist without partnership, and that partnership should not exist without parenthood. Individuals that choose to become single parents flip this concept on its head. They recognize that one does not need a partner to become a parent; especially not in a world in which science has made parenthood even more accessible than it once was. 

But being able to separate the two roles does not necessarily answer Why. Some will tell you that the ticking of their biological clock became too loud, others will say they refuse to settle for a subpar partner just to become a parent; some will say they do not desire a partner at all. Yet even those responses are not truly tackling the Why, those are the How. Lacking a partner and getting older explains how single parents arrived at this juncture; not why they chose the route of parenthood. 

The Why is simple… single parents by choice wanted a family and refused to wait for fate, societal expectations, outdated narratives, and pure chance to present the opportunity to them. Finding partnership can take a lifetime and it has no time limit, if ever found at all. But conceiving, carrying, and birthing a child does; even being young enough to actively participate in a child’s life is time limited. So, why place a desire so pure, a love so strong, and an experience so irreplaceable, like having a child, into the hands of something so fickle and unpredictable as partnership?

Single parents by choice anticipate that parenting alone will be hard. They are aware that they will need breaks. Single parents by choice have heard the statistics of single parent households and have pondered over them. And yes, single parents have considered how expensive raising a child, or children, alone will be. But that is also why most individuals pursuing single parenthood actively build a village of support around them. That is why they often create a financial plan for parenting. 

But if we’re being honest, is anyone ever mentally, emotionally, or financially prepared to have children? Coupled or not, each person that decides to parent has chosen to enter a challenging world of unknown. Couples are not better prepared to parent simply because there are two of them; there are several challenges that present when co-parenting that a single parent by choice does not have to deal with. Taking care of tiny humans is hard no matter the family composition; so, can we stop reiterating the narrative that it is a challenge only coupled individuals can face? There are several individuals that prove that narrative is simply not true.